Comrades. Friends.  Fellow Humans.

Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As some of you have noticed, I have not posted for a while.  My inability to communicate was caused by a severe blow to the head.  Whether I fell or was pushed over the railing by camp management remains to be determined in a court of law, but I suspect that justice will prevail and the guilty parties will be forced to pay for their sins — or be water boarded with dishwater detergent.  My fellow campers normally frown on the use of torture, but will protect their right to life, liberty and the preservation of the Friday night meatloaf special.

Having been trapped and treated for my injuries at Camp Creepy Time isn’t as bad as being sentenced to the infirmary at Alcatraz, but it still has it’s limits.  Camp management has placed me on a Twinkie free diet and allows internet access based on good behavior.  Writing this post could be punishable by death or two weeks of hard labor at the arts and crafts center.   The medical staff has attempted several bizarre experiments to repair the damage to my brain, including applying leeches to my forehead and other archaic procedures.  I may have imagined it due to Twinkie deprivation, but I believe that a couple of the witch doctors caring for my wounds were planning a full frontal lobotomy — and betting on the outcome!  Pray for me, comrades.  Given the lack of medical expertise that I have been subjected to on a daily basis,  I’m lucky that I can still remember my own….  What was I  saying?

Sincerely Yours,

Einstein P. Fleet

Medical Experiment

Comrades. Friends. Fellow Frustrated Citizens

Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The latest installment of “The Blame Game” revolves around AIG.  After receiving 180 billion dollars in taxpayer money to pay off banks, brokers, and a bunch of other buttheads, the company has decided to change its name to IAG (It’s All Good).  Unfortunately, it’s not all good —- unless of course you were one of the lucky crooks that got a million bucks or more for destroying the company you worked at.  Normally, we could blame Bush for the problem.  For this blunder they need to find a new fall guy and there are plenty to choose from in the latest Washington craze — Clueless in Congress.   Could it be Secretary Geithner in the kitchen with a butcher knife?  Senator Dodd in the bedroom with a bazooka?  Colonel Mustard in the study with a suitcase bomb?  All good choices, but not change we can believe in, comrades.  No doubt, they will eventually find a way to pin this on Bush and why not?  As they say in Texas — if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.   In the Fleet house we say don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s raining, but we’re just ordinary taxpayers.

Yours truly,
Einstein P. Fleet
AKA – Daddy War Bucks

Comrades. Friends. Future Members of the Tribe

Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Admittedly, we live in tough times and tough times call for tough solutions.  The governor of the state of Florida is working with the Seminole Indian tribe to help the state through its fiscal woes by tapping into the vast cash reserves the tribe has amassed through the gaming industry and smartly investing in nothing outside of Indian territories.  In exchange for cash, expanded gaming rights, and Bernie Madoff’s scalp, the Seminole Tribe has agreed to take back all of Florida and put it under tribal law. Governor Christ, now known as Grey Bear, will remain in office until Florida succeeds from the United States and the tribal counsel takes over the job of governing the newly formed country of Florida.  Plans to burn down all of the condominiums and houses that were built next to the Everglades will be the first act of the new government, followed up with other “green” initiatives —- including a lot of green felt tables from Key West up to Disneyland.  Change you can believe in?  You bet, comrades.  Just make sure to bring some of that change for the slot machines.

Yours truly,
Einstein P. Fleet
AKA Sitting Twinkie

Comrades. Friends.  Future Felons

Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The stock market continues to plummet, along with the price of housing and most everything else that we haven’t sold or hocked in order to survive the new world order.  So, is anybody happy?  Judging from the steady stream of bad news in the media and the self- service counter at Starbucks, I’d have to say no.  Well, maybe President Obama and his family are the exception to the rule.  They got to move into a big house, fully staffed with all manner of servants,  limo service and his own plane, plus a cushy salary.   Change you can believe in?  You bet —- especially for the our fearless leader.  But what about the rest of us?  What did we get?   A big bail out for companies that should have gone bust, a spending orgy gone amok for those who lived beyond their means, and then a bill for the entire affair?   Tea party, anyone?  Pick up your muskets, comrades.  For those who do not own a musket, send a nasty letter to your representation and let your voice be heard.  It’s still America —- and it still can be if we let these knuckleheads know how we feel.

Yours truly,
Einstein P. Fleet
Rebel-in-Chief